a fresh start

A fresh start.  That is what I need.  At church on Sunday I felt "numb".  I didn't feel like I was living in sin, I didn't feel sadness, I didn't feel ungrateful.  I felt numb.  I didn't like that. It actually scared me.

I needed to take a fresh look at my life and at my heart.  Where was I and where did God want me?

This morning I read Psalm 63 and it was exactly what I needed.  God took me there to speak to me and to remind me of where the starting point was in my journey out of numbness into the sweet relationship with Him that I have so loved before.

This move has been difficult.  (Pretty much any move is!)  Slowly the things that have been normal for me became non-existent.  I stopped using my planner, I stopped exercising, I stopped baking bread, I stopped writing prayer requests on my blog, I stopped memorizing scripture, I stopped e-mailing really close friends, I stopped having a schedule for the kids....  I kept saying "next week" will be normal, I will start then. Well, it is time.  Now.

I looked at my Bible and saw in bold print above Psalm 63 "The Thirsting Soul Satisfied in God" and under that it said "A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah."  The wilderness.  Yes.  That is where I have been.  Thirsting in a wilderness.  It is time for me to practice Psalm 63 and get refreshed, filled up, and upheld.

I am going to be working on memorizing this Psalm.  Ask me how I am doing!  Don't let me get away with saying it and not doing it.

I have been getting a headache every evening for the last few nights and once I saw the pattern I had to ask myself why I was getting them.  It didn't take long for me to realize I had not been staying hydrated.  At all.  I was actually pretty parched and my body was suffering for it.  Spiritually I have not been staying well hydrated either and my soul has been suffering for it.  No more waiting for things to be "normal", no more just surviving.  Today is the day.

O God, You are my God.  I will seek You earnestly.  My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.....
Because Your loving kindness is better than life, my lips will praise You as long as I live....
For you have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.  My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me